Friday, October 11, 2013


What with this human growing inside me, I've been thinking a lot about the kind of parent I want to be, and really, I'm realizing, that I have to first think about the kind of person I'd like to be. Because the truth is....I'm not there yet.

For starters, I'm horribly selfish. I mean it. I'm the world's worst roommate. I never clean, I eat all the leftovers, and I nap on the couch- inconveniencing everyone around me. Seriously awful. It is a wonder anyone who lived with me in college still speaks to me, and even more of a wonder that I am still happily married to such a wonderful guy. To top it all off, I'm downright bossy and I can't control the volume of my voice. Seriously, I'm a delight.

Therefore, it's natural that when I think of this baby coming in March, I panic. I mean, there are so. many. ways. to parent. I've tossed and turned and thought a lot about it, and I'm still not sure what kind of parent I want to be, but I do know that I have a few things to work on before this human starts looking up to me as their first life example in this big crazy world. So I'm trying to make some changes.

I've decided I want to be a person that makes others feel good when they're around me. Sounds easy, right? Don't be an asshole, have a sense of humor, and people will like you. But making others feel good after spending time with you is a different beast. I've realized that I feel best around people who make me laugh, but not necessarily at others' expense. People who listen to me as much or more than they talk, and people who value what I have to say and make me feel important. I feel the best around people who make me think (especially when I don't want to) and who illuminate my bad habits by showing me a better way.

Spotting these kinds of people is really easy. Being one is really, really hard.

I talk a LOT. Like, a lot a lot. I think it's why I became a teacher- so I always have a captive audience. (seriously, it's a nice perk) But to make people feel good about themselves, I have to listen. I have to ground what I say in what was said before me, which means I have to listen in a more holistic way, instead of dividing my time. I have to work to make the people who are important to me feel that way, by inconveniencing myself at times to make them feel better. I need to be more thoughtful about holding doors, helping others, and being kind to strangers- even if they are the scary people on the bus.

I guess I want my kid to feel good about being with me most of the time, but most importantly, I want this baby to be the kind of person that is...well...kind. That helps others. That is better than I am at being naturally thoughtful. That adds to the world. But before that can really happen, he or she is going to need an example. Thank goodness these kiddos take a long time to cook, because I'm going to need the next five months to work on making others happy more naturally. In fact, I may need all the practice I can get.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Back from Summer Break!


So.... I spent the summer pretty much enjoying our last summer of complete freedom with my guy, and rather than a lengthy catch-up post (because the two readers I have left at this point don't really care....) I'm stealing an outline from BethAnne and getting pumped about the fall. Here's what's running through my brain at the moment, and hopefully I can manage to get more posts up soon :)

Currently I am…
reading When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead- I'm almost done with this amazingly suspenseful middle grades read. Part realistic fiction, part fantasy, with huge twists at the end, I am going to be demanding all of my reluctant readers read this as soon as they can pry it out of my hands. I also started the first Outlander book as my "adult" read because the fall always makes me want to get sucked into epic, chunky reads. On deck for October, I also want to re-read the first two Divergent books in celebration while I am patiently... 

waiting to read Allegiant, the final book in the Divergent trilogy. I cannot wait and am planning on going on lock-down in my home under covers for two straight days to find out what happens.I cannot seriously wait. Also, patiently waiting for March when, (if you don't know me in real life, this still may not be shocking) Baby Gas is going to make his or her appearance! In the meantime, I'm also waiting for the day when (if!) my RA goes into preggo remission, I can stay awake at night past 9 pm on a weeknight, and for the weekend morning when I still don't get up at 7. Can't a sister sleep in once in a while?
feeling gratitude. So, so, thankful for a so-far healthy 17 week old baby. So thankful for the man by my side who makes me dinner, doesn't complain when I fall asleep during "our" shows, and gets a little teary eyed when I come home with a pair of ridiculous puppy shaped slippers because Argon (the third noble Gas/working title for our little one since we aren't finding out the sex) needed them. Grateful for the support network of people who are so excited for us. Grateful for a work environment of loving, supportive people, even when it gets challenging.
eating pizza. We ordered pizza last Thursday, had pizza again on Saturday (deep dish, this time!) with my favorite father in law, and had free pizza at the bar while watching the Bears again on Sunday. Nibbling on leftovers this week. I think this baby may come out being part garlic/cheese/ranch.
dreaming of crisp fall days of boots and leggings, finding a day care that won't cost us an equivalent amount to our mortgage, cloth diapers, sleeping late, and quality time with my guy. Also, I had a really amazing dream last night involving me and Nick Miller from New Girl last night...thank you hormones. 
quoting Emerson in my classroom...and in my brain

working on writing two vocab quizzes for tomorrow, a pre-observation form for my boss, on prepping the rest of the Short Stories Unit for my language arts class, and on compiling my student-written updates for my classroom website. 
listening to Fritz and the Tantrums! On a major kick lately. Also, loving the whole Lorde ep.
wearing new shoes today! Also, stretchy pants, a dress, and glasses. Rocking the whole nerdy academic look today with oxfords and a cardigan. Also, how does one wear lady oxfords. Specifically, these: 

Am I cool enough to pull them off?
In October I would love to:

  • find fun, out of the ordinary date nights to do with Kev
  • blog three times a week
  • decide what the plan is for my maternity leave (regular length? extended?)
  • sleep in past 9 on more than one occasion
  • make more time for my friends
  • see my family more than once
Comment or post below so I know you are still out there! What are your goals/hopes/daydreams this month?
Thanks for sticking with me, imaginary friends. This summer I felt like I had everything and nothing to write about, so clearly I chose nothing. I missed you, though. I promise to be a better friend :)