Showing posts with label hilarious things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hilarious things. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Advice for Next Year

Last week, I had my junior high ELL students write some pieces of advice that will be handed on to my students next year. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom I gleaned as I graded them today. I think they are pretty darn smart!



I had my students write advice letters to next year's kiddos. Quote from 7th grader DK "Never ever make Mrs. Gas angry. She is really a nice person, but when she is angry, she is scarier than your mom and dad put together."

Don’t give teachers lame excuses about your homework and just finish it. Actually, most of all I think that you should have fun in school. That’s my real advice.

If you are late, the teacher will mark you tardy. If you are tardy three times, you will have a detention after school where you can’t do your homework- you just sit and do nothing. So then you will have less time for your homework, and you will not finish it and you will stay up late trying to finish, so you will be late and then you will get another detention, and so you will be in the late/bad homework/detention cycle and you will never get out.

If you write your homework in your homework notebook, bad things will not happen to you.

When I saw some people studying while I was having fun, I felt pity for them- but I was wrong. I got a B- because of stupid time wasting.

It will make your life easier if you are honest. Lying will make things worse and eventually you will get caught lying.

One time, there was this pitiful guy who stole my money. He always deined it and never gave my money back. I was really angry and I was ready to take revenge, so while he was in the office, I took his shoes, backpack, wallet, MP3 and everything he owned and threw it in the dumpster. Later, I saw the garbage truck driving away and I smiled. Sweet payback is always acceptable.

I never realized doing things by myself was important. If I kept asking people for help, I would never learn anything by myself. Now I learn on my own and use my knowledge when I need it. I don’t depend on others.

I usually don’t challenge myself because it’s not fun, but I’ve learned that the beginnings of challenging yourself are always hard but there’s joy waiting for you right after you are done changing yourself. Challenges are bittersweet.

Sometimes people say really mean stuff to you and ignore you. Most people get their feelings hurt by it. Why? Why do you need to listen to people who insult you and ignore you? It just makes you unhappy. Be yourself and do what your heart says. Don’t listen to those ugly words. Listening to yourself makes you happier and lets you shine more. Be yourself!

Sometimes you forget things quicker than you would think.

If you really need something signed, ask your parents and never do it yourself, or else you will get in big trouble. It will also be a forgery which means you could go to jail.

Giving up is the worst thing you can do when you are in school. If you give up, you will feel like you don’t want to do your homework. So, never give up!

If you ever make Mrs. Gas cranky, watch your head.

Always tell your mom yes even if you won’t end up doing something.

Definitely don’t shove stuff under your bed. Are you really that lazy? Just throw it where it belongs.

Don’t get your teachers mad at you for something stupid that you could have finished in five minutes.

Try to raise your hand and answer some questions in class because if you won’t do it, your teacher will always tell you to answer the hardest questions.

When you have a big project or many things to do, think about summer break.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Holy S That was A

On Saturday night, I attended a bachelorette party for a dear, dear, dear friend. I drank more in one evening than I have in years, and had such a college-style hangover that I awoke the next morning still drunk and craving Ramen noodles. Behold, a sampling of the email exchange between the blushing bride to be, myself, my seasoned mom friend, and my brand new mom friend who missed the hijinks:

Me:
Things lost at one very special lady's bachelorette party last night:
-my blazer
-my voice
-my dignity
-my sobriety THIS MORNING as we speak

Things found this morning:
-J's scarf
-an orange glow bracelet that I'm still wearing
-a headache that feels like tiny people in cement shoes are dancing in my brain
-an unidentified drinking bruise (UDB) on my thigh....the size of my palm
-a newfound hatred for purple grape vodka

Good lord, that.was.awesome.

New momma friend, WE MISSED YOU!

New Momma Friend:
Lists, Take II

Things lost last night:

- my days of free-wheeling out on the town, carefree
- hours of sleep as a wee angry elf took advantage of her cuteness to create havoc unpunished
- an ENTIRE Easter basket worth of chocolate eggs and jelly beans
- the end of a movie.....I swear I just closed my eyes for a minute!

Things found this morning:

- a newly awakened appetite for chocolate....now if only I could find that Easter basket.....???
- a great email summing up a great night.....so glad it was fun!
- the surprising truth that I still adore this tiny person even after her midnight escapades.  Who knew love could run so deep?


Love you girls!  I  hope it was wildly fun and irresponsible!  If you're reading this before Monday, you didn't do enough damage.....

Seasoned Momma Friend:

OMG!!! WTF!!! LMNOP!! QRS!! TUV!! WXYZ!!

I DO remember the purple vodka, I do remember having a nice convo with Groom's sister. I do remember getting in the trolley. Everything else is blurry!! 

I remember being in the cab. Then I woke up on the couch with all my stuff on the floor!

I spent the first few hours of the AM thinking, how the hell am I going to tell the husband I lost my cell iPhone? He is going to be so PO'd!!! The scarf was the least of my worries. Par for the course, but the phone. SHIT!!! All shy and sorry I went downstairs, then shook his shoulder, and said, (whispering) "hi honey." He said, "hey, it lives. Are you OK?" I say, "there's my phone!" It was on his night table. He said, "yeah, you gave it to me last night when you walked in." 

I also lost all kinds of dignity!! Did we go through a back alley to get into a bar? Was there a chick all PO'd bc we were trying to get in? Nicole, I remember you were going to take someone down for talking to me in a harsh tone. I apparently took picture on my phone bc I found them last night. 

Today I am eating spreadable cheese and crackers and a pear. Nevertheless, I would do it again. But this time, no purple vodka!!

Also, I came home with more money than I left with. Did I not pay for anything? Or was I in the back alley for a different reason? Or did I forget to pay the cab driver? I assume the husbandwould have told me about the cab driver not leaving without getting paid. 

Other than an apology for... well the purple vodka... do I owe you money as well?

Can't wait for the wedding!!!! Where I will NOT be drinking. I've done enough of that!!


Oh, wedding season, how glad I am you are upon us. I REALLY need to start making better choices....

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Fantastic Facebook

Oh, Facebook. For as much idiocy as I find on your stupid network, which I check more than any human really should, sometimes there are amazing gems to be found. Like these (sources included in photo):

It would be so much easier not to make fun of them if I knew what their concrete plans for change were....

This happens to me constantly. #Colieprobz If Kev knew how many morsels could be found in there, he would be in heaven. For more reasons than one.


Yes, Kim Kardashian. Divorce is tragic. For people who got married for real reasons. Maybe if she had more crumbs in her boobs, her marriage would have survived. Big amen to this one.

Or maybe if they had gotten hot more.....I love puns.

Best thing about facebook- the amount of awesome book nerds who live there.

Indeed, freaking awesome.

Thank you, Facebook.

Monday, August 22, 2011

New Job = Crazy Busy

Today was the first day of school, an Institute Day where I sat in lots of meetings designed to get me pumped for a new school year. The people at my new job seem awesome, although the workload is shocking and overwhelming. I came home today with a whopping headache, threw up from the nausea that ensued, took a nap, and then finished a rad book, and now I think I'm ready for tomorrow. I'm equal parts thrilled and terrified, but for now, I'm trying to be.....

Source: reddit.com via Beck on Pinterest


....more Ginny than Bella.

Thank you imgur
Longer post tomorrow, until then, goodnight friends

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Harry Freaking Potter

I've been in a slight depression lately, because the last Harry Potter movie is out and about. I saw it. It was good. Actually, it reminded me of my real depression after I finished the last Harry Potter book.

Have I ever told you about my reading of the last Harry Potter book? It came out while I was on a monthlong trip to Costa Rica shortly after Kev and I started dating. I was brushing up on my Spanish before starting my job teaching bilingual ed. I was super sad that I would be missing the release, but Kev promised to buy me a copy of the book. Even better, he promised to wait to read it until I got home, so that we could read it together and talk about the ending.

"What a guy," I thought.

Until we were chatting late one night, and he revealed that he had opened the book to read the description on the inside front flap and accidentally read the first 150 pages. Then he got a beer and accidentally finished the book.

I love that he gets that into reading. I love that he didn't spoil the ending for me. I hate that he didn't wait for me.

Luckily, he redeemed himself today with this video he found. No need to thank me.