Shoes as Self

I'm going to DSW today, which means I have to clear about an hour of my schedule. You think I kid. I do not. For me, going to the Designer Shoe Warehouse (not Da Sale Warehouse or Da Shoe Warehouse as my brothers used to truly think it was called) is an exercise in finding a persona.Yes, these shoe marketeers have got me right where they want me.

Shoes are safe. In a world where fat is reviled and youth is coveted at all costs, there are very few shoe options out there that are veboten to my slightly plump, slightly scarred, not-quite-as-young-as-I-used-to-be self. No matter how much extra weight I've found, my shoe size stays the same. Even if I'm squeezed into something up top that I have no business trying to still pull off, I know that the right pair of favorite shoes will still make me look and feel comely, if only from the knee down. The right pair of shoes can not only change an outfit, but change a mindset.

Speaking of mindset, I truly believe you can infer a lot about a person based on their shoe choice. For instance, a young woman teacher wearing pumps or kitten heels all day at work has almost certainly been teaching less than two years. We veterans grow out of that phase quickly, and our feet thank us for it. A guy wearing Toms is almost certainly confident, loyal and happy. Just ask my husband, who lives in his madras pair three seasons a year. The sandals wearers in any weather over sixty degrees are innate optimists here in Chicago, while the boots-wearers in early September have a deep and emotional connection to their favorite pair; they love the style without the hassle and are practical. My favorite thing to do when I am bored at a large meeting is to look around the room at people's shoes. If you look at a person from the ankle up, you often get a total surprise by the time you arrive at the top: the face doesn't always imagine the chosen shoes in ways you think. Footwear may be the true window of the soul.

Which leads me back to my current DSW conundrum: I need new formal shoes. Previously, I had been rocking my sister's prom shoes. Gold stiletto sandals that matched almost everything. I'm not sure what this borrowed pair said about me: thrifty, with a penache for tacky? Formerly athletic calves with a slight ladylike inclination? I know I'm never going that high again with shoes (not if I'm paying for them, anyway) but I loved the gold because I could use them with multiple dresses. What am I going to choose to reinvent myself as, now that I have successfully worn out my last persona? Classy lady? Vintage vixen? Practical Patty?

To heel or not to heel- that is the real question.  

Advice for Next Year

Last week, I had my junior high ELL students write some pieces of advice that will be handed on to my students next year. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom I gleaned as I graded them today. I think they are pretty darn smart!

I had my students write advice letters to next year's kiddos. Quote from 7th grader DK "Never ever make Mrs. Gas angry. She is really a nice person, but when she is angry, she is scarier than your mom and dad put together."

Don’t give teachers lame excuses about your homework and just finish it. Actually, most of all I think that you should have fun in school. That’s my real advice.

If you are late, the teacher will mark you tardy. If you are tardy three times, you will have a detention after school where you can’t do your homework- you just sit and do nothing. So then you will have less time for your homework, and you will not finish it and you will stay up late trying to finish, so you will be late and then you will get another detention, and so you will be in the late/bad homework/detention cycle and you will never get out.

If you write your homework in your homework notebook, bad things will not happen to you.

When I saw some people studying while I was having fun, I felt pity for them- but I was wrong. I got a B- because of stupid time wasting.

It will make your life easier if you are honest. Lying will make things worse and eventually you will get caught lying.

One time, there was this pitiful guy who stole my money. He always deined it and never gave my money back. I was really angry and I was ready to take revenge, so while he was in the office, I took his shoes, backpack, wallet, MP3 and everything he owned and threw it in the dumpster. Later, I saw the garbage truck driving away and I smiled. Sweet payback is always acceptable.

I never realized doing things by myself was important. If I kept asking people for help, I would never learn anything by myself. Now I learn on my own and use my knowledge when I need it. I don’t depend on others.

I usually don’t challenge myself because it’s not fun, but I’ve learned that the beginnings of challenging yourself are always hard but there’s joy waiting for you right after you are done changing yourself. Challenges are bittersweet.

Sometimes people say really mean stuff to you and ignore you. Most people get their feelings hurt by it. Why? Why do you need to listen to people who insult you and ignore you? It just makes you unhappy. Be yourself and do what your heart says. Don’t listen to those ugly words. Listening to yourself makes you happier and lets you shine more. Be yourself!

Sometimes you forget things quicker than you would think.

If you really need something signed, ask your parents and never do it yourself, or else you will get in big trouble. It will also be a forgery which means you could go to jail.

Giving up is the worst thing you can do when you are in school. If you give up, you will feel like you don’t want to do your homework. So, never give up!

If you ever make Mrs. Gas cranky, watch your head.

Always tell your mom yes even if you won’t end up doing something.

Definitely don’t shove stuff under your bed. Are you really that lazy? Just throw it where it belongs.

Don’t get your teachers mad at you for something stupid that you could have finished in five minutes.

Try to raise your hand and answer some questions in class because if you won’t do it, your teacher will always tell you to answer the hardest questions.

When you have a big project or many things to do, think about summer break.

It Should Be Easy

In the past few weekends, I've had a lot of amazing girl time with my gal pals. Kev has bee wildly busy with work and finishing up another quarter in his MBA studies, and I've been making the most of flying solo by prioritizing my girls. Truthfully, I've written about it before and I'll say it again; I'm not great at making plans without Kev. But a sister needs her sistas, and I'm glad I've gotten to catch up with my original crew.

After spending time with two different girl groups, there was one theme that I had heard over and over. Two of my very best friends are having significant boy troubles. Those are their stories to tell, but both of them are stressing for the same reasons. They are getting older, they want to find the one, and they want to feel like they are really building something special with somebody they care about.Both of were saying the same things:

"I gave him everything I had."
"I was scared to tell my friends until I knew it was going somewhere."
"I don't understand what he needs to 'figure out.'"
"I have no idea how to meet someone."
"I don't want to start over."
"I'm ready to find someone."
"I'm doing my part, why isn't he doing his?"

Ack.

I totally empathize with these ladies, in that as we get older, our groups of friends are really starting to pair off. I love these ladies and want them around as much as possible, but truth be told, we really do suck. They aren't going to meet a lot of new single gentlemen if they hang out with their same old groups every weekend. It just ain't gonna happen.

But more importantly, I told them both the same thing. The dating and figuring out where you are headed is the easy part. It shouldn't be hard to fall in love with someone with whom you want to build something serious. Falling in love isn't a choice. Staying in love is. The dating part should be the easy part. If it's not, it's probably not going to go anywhere. It sounds harsh, but it's true.

Why waste the effort on somebody you don't look forward to seeing? Why take your fabulous self off the market for someone who isn't equally as smitten with you? Real true love doesn't listen to your objections. It grabs you by the teeth, drags you along with it, and leaves you so high strung that you daze off at work, dreaming of that special someone. You look forward to seeing them, but more importantly, your life seems a little bet less rich, less sparkly, less vibrant, when they are not around. And until you get that magical foot-popping, swoony giggling fit around that person, well, they aren't worth your time.

Life is too short to get lots in the should and shouldn'ts. Love knows that and doesn't pay them any mind. Wait for it ladies, because when that special someone comes, he (or she) will be so, so, so, so worth it. I promise.