New Wife, New Life

I admit, part of the reason that my blog posts have been a bit...ahem...sparse lately is due to the fact that Kev and I have been in a rough patch lately. At least weekly for the past few weeks, we had been getting in fights. Like most couples, it was all about the same damn things, too. Who does what for the other, who communicates, whose family gets more time around the holidays. Stupid, stupid stuff.

The worst part about fighting with Kev is that he's so much a part of who I am. We've known each other for almost half my life, and we've loved many different incarnations of each other. My prep phase, his poncho and long hair phase. His cocky soccer phase, my close-knit roll with my girls phase. We've helped each other learn how to be adults, and we've supported one another through some really cockamamy ideas, but we still manage to love through it all. So when we fight, it feels like I'm just fighting with myself. His words cut deeper than other people's do, because his opinions and feelings are so much more important to me. And so much truer.

While things weren't great, I think this weekend really helped us to turn the corner. We spent time with both of our families, the weather was gorgeous, we spent some quiet time at church, and we visited two friends with babies- a six week old and a two day old. Somewhere in the middle of all the trees blooming, powdery fresh babies, and the faces of other people who have loved me a long time, I realized we are going to be okay.

Yes, we fight. But we also clear the air, and as we get older we are getting much better at fighting TOWARD something; in other words, having an outcome of our fights. Maybe right now, we need the raised voices as a crutch to solving problems in our relationship, but hopefully someday we will get to a point where we fight less and talk more. Yes, we aren't perfect. But we are perfect for each other. I'd rather spend the rest of my life fighting and sometimes running in circles with that man than with any other person in the world.

Surrounded by all those brand new things, I realized that even when things look bad, angry, and dry, something new is popping up beneath the surface. A pregnant friend becomes a beaming mother. A pile of woodchips becomes a tulip bed. Empty baskets become filled with treats. Beneath these tired phrases and cutting words, something good and true is building in our relationship. All of these fresh new beginnings are reminders that underneath it all is a man who loves me and wants us to be the best we can be. Even though we travel down different roads, our destination is the same.

Thanks, Spring

Lovey-Dovey Linkup

Hi All! I've seen this lil meme floating around the blogosphere thanks to From Mrs. to Mama and I've been totally sucked in to reading everybody's stories. So, for all of you new readers and followers out there, here is the story of Kev and I- a fourteen year saga.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?
Kev and I will have been together for five years in May, but we've known each other for almost 14!

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}
I was dating a very shy baseball player in Kev's grade, and we were hanging out in our high school's lounge. I was a freshman, and Kev was a sophomore. Suddenly, this super personable guy came up and started talking to my shy boyfriend and I. This guy (Kev) was selling frisbees for his business class, and was trying to wheedle us into buying them. While I did not buy a frisbee, I did slowly begin seeing Kev around more and more. Baseball player and I broke up, and Kev and I started talking. That spring, we went on a date with a group of friends to Great America, and Kev was the perfect gentleman- kissing me on the Skywhirl, holding my hand in line, and giving me his Abercrombie long sleeved shirt when I got cold. As the night ended, he promised me that when he got his driver's license in a few weeks, that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. I was a freshman, about to date an older man with a CAR, and I was through the moon.

Well, the weeks went by. Kev got his car, and suddenly realized he was AWESOME. His 1990 Honda (Jane Honda) became his first love, and the promised for boyfriend-girlfriend status did not materialize. We did, however, become great friends while we dated other people. Through high school, we talked nearly every night on AIM (oh, the good old days), and solved each other's relationship problems. We went to different colleges, made new friends, and talked less.

Fast forward 4 years. I had just finished college and moved back home with my parents. It was Easter, and I saw Kev sign on to AIM (good old technology), and realized we hadn't talked in a long time. We quickly chatted, and set up a date to get together for dinner the following week. When I picked him up in MY car at his parents' house, gone were his Abercrombie t-shirts; he had donned a corduroy blazer and glasses for the occasion. He looked older, wiser, and still had his trademark charm. We had a great date, and I made plans to go visit him in the city the following weekend for his birthday. The rest, as they say, is history. Booze and a four year absence made us quickly realize we had to be together.


3. If married, how long have you been married? We got married on the 4th of July, 2009. It was awesome.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?
We got married with 330 of our close friends and family at Kevin's grade school church. It was huge, rambunctious, fun and very meaningful. My grandparents took the last shuttle back to the hotel with us, we polka-ed, my other grandmother caught the bouquet, and I dropped pizza face down on my dress at 2 am. It was loud and loving, just like us.

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share! We call each other shmoop or shmoopsie. I'll call him honey or hot stuff if I want to make him laugh, and he always calls me Colie or Coli-polie.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.
He is smart, he is handsome, he makes me laugh, and he challenges me to be my best self every single day.

7. Tell us how he proposed?
That sneaky guy let me plan my own proposal! We had just moved into our first apartment together that week, and he asked me what I felt like doing for our first Friday night at our new place. I decided we should buy fancy ingredients and cook in together. After dinner, he said he had a surprise for dessert, and brought a tray with angel food cake and champagne. Then, he got down on one knee, told me he loved me, and proposed. Afterwards, he said that one of our good friends wanted us to stop out so she could see the ring. We walked to a favorite bar, and he had all of our friends packed inside for a surprise bash.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals? We are generally champagne, sweatpants and heart shaped pizza kind of valentine's day people, but last year he surprised me with a "mystery date" to a fancy dinner and to see Les Miserables downtown. Swoon.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch? We switch it up. The key to good romance is variety.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere? Travel the world, raise a beautiful family of happy kids, and still hold hands when we are in our eighties.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.
Cooking tuna steaks and potatoes for dinner, having some wine, and snuggling on the couch for some movie time.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day? Nope, we're not big Valentine's gift people.

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. Never, ever take each other for granted. Remember you are lucky to be together.

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.
Family inside jokes, with Kev fitting right in :)

It Never Ends

Yep, it's late. I realize this. I just got home from an after work happy hour that ended now, at close to midnight. No, this is not a reason to call teachers irresponsible either. Harumph. Also yes, I'm probably irresponsibly blogging. So there.

Kev and I had planned to spend tonight staying in. We spent last weekend in Madison toasting my sister's 21st birthday, and tomorrow we are having a dinner party for some of our favorite people. Accordingly, we decided to stay in tonight for a date night with wine. Until I got these messages yesterday:

Kevin: Do you have plans tomorrow night (1st Friday club?)
me: nope
zero plans
Kevin: My coworker Alex has a bday party
at The WHistler
me: nice!
Kevin: it's in Logan Square
me: we have a work happy hour after school
so I probably won't be home til 530 or 6ish
Kevin: Sweet - would you want to go with me?
me: totally!
Kevin: or is your happy hour going to be like last time
me: no, its not

(Sidenote the "last time" Kev is referring to is the blizzard, when we knew we would have the snow day off. We got rowdy on a Tuesday, which is a foreign concept for teachers (and therefore spouses of teachers) and it was awesome)

The interwebs are a hard place to have a change of heart. I didn't see Kev last night because of his grad school, and therefore spent most of today trying to puzzle out whether he really wanted me to come meet up, or he needed space. The sad part of all of this is that it wasn't an issue either way. I was just confused because I couldn't read his tone over computer, and tried to back up because I didn't want to be the obnoxious wife tagging along. I ended up having an unexpectedly great night with my coworkers, and all was well.

The reason that I'm blogging about all of this now amidst a healthy buzz is because while relating my story about potential plans for this evening one of my coworkers looked at me and said "Wow, I didn't realize awkward moments still happened after marriage." Until she said it, I hadn't had that realization either. And you know what? It's all okay.

I'm good with the uncertainty, because it means my boy will be home later. I have the confidence and independence to make other plans because I have a safety net that will come home eventually, even if it means I will go to bed and see him in the morning. At this point, half of the fun of being out separately is that we can have a gossipy catch up tomorrow morning. Despite my sometimes misgivings, we thrive on letting each other make our own space separately. I feel this is one of the ways we have grown together the last year that we've been married. Awkward moments still do happen, and I'm getting better at embracing them as a wife. I've learned over time that the best part of being married is that I have someone who loves me for my awkwardness, and not for my constantly date ready state of preparation. Oddly enough, I'm good with that for now.

Happy Weekend!

Getting the Magic Back

It's that time of year, folks. Not Christmastime, not holidays in general. It's the time of year where my students start to drive me a little crazy.

Now, don't get me wrong. My kiddos are just as cute and hard-working as ever. Easily distracted by mentions of the upcoming holidays, sure, but mostly fine. It's me that's the problem. I'm frustrated that our winter benchmark scores aren't higher, worried about the ongoing evaluations I have to submit to as part of being a non-tenured teacher, and antsy for the two week long break that begins next week but still seems so very far away. Last week, I found myself getting downright snippy over stupid things. I even uttered the phrase "shame on you" to two of my students who were food fighting at snack time. Seriously, I said "shame on you" to two students who are still learning English and are clearly a few generations behind any person that would actually be shamed by that phrase. Except for me, of course. I shamed myself by using it. But I digress.

The good news is, I got my mojo back with my kids at the unlikeliest of places: a field trip. Today, we spent the whole kindergarten morning at the Chicago Botanic Garden Wonderland Express, and it was, quite frankly awesome. I had lots of parents show up to help supervise, the kids were fairly well behaved, and we were all in awe over the tons of model trains, hothouse plants, and Christmas trees that we saw. The museum even had a scavenger hunt bingo sheet for the kids to mark with stickers to help them focus on specific things throughout the museum. It was awesome.

Like married life, I sometimes find myself looking for ways to keep the magic alive with my kids. Spending 8 hours a day with tiny, pesky, humans is a lot. Sometimes it's easy to see their flaws instead of what they are: developing humans who are learning one day at a time to make their worlds better. Days like today remind me that when I find myself in a rut with them, that it's time to start something new, so that I can see the best sides of them. One of my naughtiest kids even begged me to sit by him on the bus today, and asked me to hold his hand throughout the exhibits. Say it with me: awwww.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed and bored with the routine. It's easy to take the people in your life, both under and over five feet tall, for granted. It's harder to do something unexpected, to break out of the norm and shrug off the responsibilities for a day to get out there and remind yourself why, exactly, you continue to fight so hard for the people that you have in your life. But it's so, so, worth it.

I think I might even survive these next three days :)

Mrs. Kevin Gas

Last week, while I was off the grid, two things happened. It was my birthday week, and it was also the first week of school. So far, the first weeks of work have been chaotic but fun, and my birthday week was an extravaganza, as usual. However, something arrived in my mailbox that was concerning.

It was a birthday card. From my grandma. Addressed to Mrs. Kevin Gas.

Now, I love my grandma and this is not a criticism of her, since I know she is very traditional about mailing cards and addressing them using married names. I will say, though, that it really irks me when I get mail (wedding save the dates, bills, and apparently birthday cards) that are addressed to me as Mrs. Kevin Gas. It makes me feel like I am now property of Kevin, and have lost both my first AND my last name.

I'm traditional in the fact that I took Kev's last name, even though I am an elementary school teacher. Luckily, the kids have been awesome about not making jokes this year, since it's now the second school year I've had it, and I've settled in. Personally, I like the idea of my someday kids having the same last name as we do, but I understand that there are lots of different opinions about whether or not to take the last name.

It's my first name where I draw the line. I'm not "Mrs. Kevin." I'm NICOLE, or Colie, or a host of other nicknames. When I see my name written as Mrs. Kevin Gas it makes me feel like Kevin's property, instead of myself, which is a person with her own career, interests, and passions that just HAPPENS to have fallen in love with an amazing man and gotten married. It irks me to the point that I asked the priest and bishop who married us not one, not two, not three, but FOUR times to make sure he announced us as "Mr. and Mrs. Kevin and Nicole Gas" when he was leading up to the big first kiss moment at the end of mass.

It's weird enough when my mechanic calls me Mrs. Gas, or when telemarketers ask for Nicole Gas. I don't need to lose my first name too. So there

Just a Little Different

I'll be honest, I've never been known to be a super-clean person. Our old place on Roscoe was a pit for a ton of reasons-me being super busy with work and school, the cats shedding profusely, parties that we threw and never really cleaned the way we should have after. The last month that we lived there was the worst-boxes, clothes to donate, and unopened mail everywhere. Kev and I were super busy that month too, trying to pack, going out more than we probably should have, studying like madmen for our finals.

The last few weeks at our new place have brought a big change both in Kev and my habits, and in our relationship as well. Kev has been sort of trying to put his laundry away, and I've been opening my mail as it comes. We've even both been putting daily time into tidying up, and after three weeks, our bedroom still has a floor that you can see. I'm kind of shocked. Since we now own this place, I think we have a greater incentive to keep it looking like a real house, rather than a place that college kids could happily call their own.

Being in the new place also seems to have brought Kev and I closer together. I'm not sure if it's because we've finally achieved a goal that took over so much of our time and sanity for so long, or if it's because we're just settling into married life. We're a little more open and honest about how we're feeling, and since we're pretty broke after the move, we're spending more time cooking or grilling out with friends instead of spending money at crowded bars and snooty restaurants. The tornado pace of the last year, and especially the last 6 months that we've both been in grad school has helped us to prioritize and make the most of the time that we do get to spend together.

This past weekend, Kev and I were talking about this past year, and all the madness that has passed. In one year we got married, started grad school, battled my RA, survived stress at work, and bought a house. Kev turned to me and said he hoped that things would slow down this year, but I somehow think that this is only the beginning.

Holy Crap...We're Married!!!!!

Wow...

After a few really, really, really, really crazy weeks we are Married.

We are leaving tomorrow morning for Puerto Rico for 12 days, and I could not be more excited. We'll try to write about everything the past few weeks in those 12 days while we're doing nothing but having fun.

We're there for 12 days and have about 5 days worth of stuff to do, so we're really excited to walk around and experience the Puerto Rican world, it helps that Colie is fluent in Spanish (which also means I hope she doesn't ditch me).

I have never looked forward to ANYTHING the way I am looking forward to this trip.

Marry Someone You Like

"Kevin, marry someone you like."

That's the advice I got from a very funny coworker today. The funny thing is, the more I thought about it, the more it really made a lot of sense.

I don't understand how people can marry someone after just a few weeks or months of knowing that person. I know that it does happen for some, and it just works for them - but it blows my mind. Those first few months of dating someone are so different than those next few months and years. The first few months are just constantly exciting, learning things about the other person, experiencing old and common things together for the first time.

Everyone's experienced that, and everyone's seen how time and comfort makes those things change. How that change happens, and how the two people respond, is what will shape that relationship. People will either grow tired or bored of the person, or they'll constantly find new things about the person that draws them in closer.

Colie and I have experienced them both over the course of knowing one another. After "semi-dating" in High School, to being friends in High School, to only talking occasionally in college, to dating, to living together, to being engaged. That's a lot of LIFE covered there!

That's why I really get the "marry someone you like" idea. We've been through everything together, and I'm still amazed at just how much fun we have together. All the quirks we each have, and how there are some that the other person just has gotten used to, such as:

• I say, "Can you close the light?" when I'm asking someone to turn the light off. I got it from my dad, and yes I know it makes no sense. Colie used to literally stop and just stare at me, but now she'll just crack a smile while thinking, "there is NO way our kids will pick this up from him."
• If we're watching someone on TV past 9 PM, Colie will fall asleep. Not a deep sleep, but that fading-in-and-out sleep that means she'll wake up at the slightest noise or touch. She can fall asleep during a Blackhawks' Playoff game...while we're currently talking! My grandpa's the only other person I know that can pull that off!
  

We've known each other for over 10 years, and Colie's still the person I like spending time with the most.

We're off to the Hawks' game tonight, and desperately need to hear a lot of this:



Also...Detroit Sucks.

I'm Going to Live Forever

Seriously, I will