10 Things on Tuesday

1) Sorry for being a bad blog friend- I've been in kind of a blog slump lately. Don't worry, though, I'm planning some heavy posting soon!

2) I had a three day weekend this weekend, and apparently I was so relaxed that I slept through 4 snoozes on my alarm clock. I woke up 10 minutes later than my usual departure time, and I've been flustered all day. My boss walked in on me straightening my hair at school and just laughed at me. Whoopsies.

3) Kev and I have two super fun trips planned this summer: Peru for two weeks in July (for our anniversary!) and a trip to Vegas with his dad's side of the family for Labor Day. I am so excited; I always saw my adult life as full of travel. I don't function well unless I know when my next trip is.

4) I just taught a unit on semi-colons, and now I want to use them all the time. I feel smarter than most people; I can use semi-colons correctly. Booyah.

5) This past week, Kev and I cleaned out our bookshelves and sold our unneeded books to MarketFresh books in Evanston- an amazing bookstore that prices its used books by the pound. I'm hoping they give us a decent buyback rate so I can perk up my classroom libraries with some new titles.

6) Really, though, it was super difficult to decide which books to keep and which to get rid of. Kev and I are both avid readers, and when we combined our libraries, we realized we had a TON of books. So many, in fact, that our last bookshelf collapsed for no reason a few weeks ago. Finally, we decided that if we wouldn't recommend or loan the book to a friend, we shouldn't keep it around. I hate weeding. I know it's a necessary part of maintaining a library, but I hate it. My books are my friends.

7) February usually drags for me, but this month has seemed to fly by! Maybe I just had such a terribly stressful January and February last year that made it woeful. Or maybe it's the super-mild winter that we have had so far- either way I'm not complaining. Bring on March!

8) I'm really sick of having my house look like a hot mess, and I'm playing around with some weekly chore schedule ideas. Do any of you have any that work well? I'd love to see them. Pinterest has a few, but I'd much prefer the tried and true methods.

9) I hate when people pronounce Pinterest as Pin-ter-est. I don't know why, but it grates on my nerves. Pin-trest people, Pin-trest. It also irks me when I see people planning for life events before they happen (baby boards for women not yet pregnant, wedding boards for people not yet engaged) Live in the now, peeps.

10) Speaking of Pin-trest, I made a magnificentlow calorie pumpkin bread yesterday. It was awesome- so moist and delicious, and low-cal to boot. Hells yes. Even my pumpkin-loathing husband ate some. Now, I totally want to try subbing applesauce for other desserts. Anybody have good recipes?

Love you all! Happy random Tuesday! What's on your mind today?

Lovey-Dovey Linkup

Hi All! I've seen this lil meme floating around the blogosphere thanks to From Mrs. to Mama and I've been totally sucked in to reading everybody's stories. So, for all of you new readers and followers out there, here is the story of Kev and I- a fourteen year saga.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?
Kev and I will have been together for five years in May, but we've known each other for almost 14!

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}
I was dating a very shy baseball player in Kev's grade, and we were hanging out in our high school's lounge. I was a freshman, and Kev was a sophomore. Suddenly, this super personable guy came up and started talking to my shy boyfriend and I. This guy (Kev) was selling frisbees for his business class, and was trying to wheedle us into buying them. While I did not buy a frisbee, I did slowly begin seeing Kev around more and more. Baseball player and I broke up, and Kev and I started talking. That spring, we went on a date with a group of friends to Great America, and Kev was the perfect gentleman- kissing me on the Skywhirl, holding my hand in line, and giving me his Abercrombie long sleeved shirt when I got cold. As the night ended, he promised me that when he got his driver's license in a few weeks, that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. I was a freshman, about to date an older man with a CAR, and I was through the moon.

Well, the weeks went by. Kev got his car, and suddenly realized he was AWESOME. His 1990 Honda (Jane Honda) became his first love, and the promised for boyfriend-girlfriend status did not materialize. We did, however, become great friends while we dated other people. Through high school, we talked nearly every night on AIM (oh, the good old days), and solved each other's relationship problems. We went to different colleges, made new friends, and talked less.

Fast forward 4 years. I had just finished college and moved back home with my parents. It was Easter, and I saw Kev sign on to AIM (good old technology), and realized we hadn't talked in a long time. We quickly chatted, and set up a date to get together for dinner the following week. When I picked him up in MY car at his parents' house, gone were his Abercrombie t-shirts; he had donned a corduroy blazer and glasses for the occasion. He looked older, wiser, and still had his trademark charm. We had a great date, and I made plans to go visit him in the city the following weekend for his birthday. The rest, as they say, is history. Booze and a four year absence made us quickly realize we had to be together.


3. If married, how long have you been married? We got married on the 4th of July, 2009. It was awesome.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?
We got married with 330 of our close friends and family at Kevin's grade school church. It was huge, rambunctious, fun and very meaningful. My grandparents took the last shuttle back to the hotel with us, we polka-ed, my other grandmother caught the bouquet, and I dropped pizza face down on my dress at 2 am. It was loud and loving, just like us.

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share! We call each other shmoop or shmoopsie. I'll call him honey or hot stuff if I want to make him laugh, and he always calls me Colie or Coli-polie.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.
He is smart, he is handsome, he makes me laugh, and he challenges me to be my best self every single day.

7. Tell us how he proposed?
That sneaky guy let me plan my own proposal! We had just moved into our first apartment together that week, and he asked me what I felt like doing for our first Friday night at our new place. I decided we should buy fancy ingredients and cook in together. After dinner, he said he had a surprise for dessert, and brought a tray with angel food cake and champagne. Then, he got down on one knee, told me he loved me, and proposed. Afterwards, he said that one of our good friends wanted us to stop out so she could see the ring. We walked to a favorite bar, and he had all of our friends packed inside for a surprise bash.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals? We are generally champagne, sweatpants and heart shaped pizza kind of valentine's day people, but last year he surprised me with a "mystery date" to a fancy dinner and to see Les Miserables downtown. Swoon.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch? We switch it up. The key to good romance is variety.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere? Travel the world, raise a beautiful family of happy kids, and still hold hands when we are in our eighties.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.
Cooking tuna steaks and potatoes for dinner, having some wine, and snuggling on the couch for some movie time.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day? Nope, we're not big Valentine's gift people.

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. Never, ever take each other for granted. Remember you are lucky to be together.

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.
Family inside jokes, with Kev fitting right in :)

On Being a Hermit

Recently, I read an excellent article about living alone from the New York Times Basically, this article contends that living alone is more acceptable now than it ever has been in previous social times. It also says that contrary to popular belief, living alone means being more, rather than less social. Long story short, I completely agree with this article. It explains why I'm becoming such a crazy cat lady in my old age.

When I was younger, and lived with roommates, I constantly made plans. No, I wasn't living alone, but I was extremely social. I had each weekend booked up with things to do, and I actively organized lots of plans with my friends. When Kev and I moved in together and got engaged, I swore that we wouldn't become "that married couple." You know the ones. They spend all their time with friends talking about their wedding and then once it is over- POOF. They disappear into a cloud of matching linen sets and formal flatware, never to be heard from again. Indeed, I started this very blog in the hopes of refuting some of those stereotypes. To make matters more complicated, Kev and I had very few local, close friends who were in serious relationships at the time we got married, so they were all happy to predict that big scary changes were coming our way.

Now, after nearly three years of marriage, I'm realizing that my friends were right, to a certain extent. Kev and I have a cozy condo with two cats, and complicated work lives. Kev is still getting his master's degree, and I am still recovering from finishing mine in June (not to mention starting a new job). If we are invited to weekend events, we almost always say yes, but if no invite is forthcoming, well, we get lazy. We stay in. We drink champagne and wear sweatpants and don't get out of bed until noon. Because we can.

I think there is something about having an automatic partner in crime that makes the rest of the world seem a little less pressing. Four years ago, I would have jumped at the chance of a free weekend to organize a big outing to an unusual restaurant or one of Chicago's many fests. Now, it all seems like a lot of effort, when I can use that time to lounge with my favorite person in the world. I would argue that I've gotten less social as a result of living with someone I love, rather than more. I feel some guilt about this. I know I've let some friendships slide and grown apart from some people from whom I was inseparable, but that's life. I know I need to find a happy medium between "us" time and "the world" time, and I know I'm wasting valuable opportunities to venture out in the city. I know that time is ticking before we have kids, and it may never be this easy to get out and about again, but really....I'm just not as motivated as I used to be.

Shacking up has made me a hermit.

Do you think that living with someone you love makes you more or less social? Why?
Are you offended when your cohabitating friends don't call?
Am I a terrible person?

Wordless Wednesday- Foxy Loxy

I don't know why I like this picture, I just do. Something about the chipped nose, perhaps.

On Being a Sister

I am an older sister to two younger brothers and a younger sister. They are all unique, amazing individuals in completely different ways. One is in law school, one is in nursing school, and one is a host of wacky things, including thrift store connoisseur and undergrad communications major, probably in that order. Growing up, our house was loud, chaotic, and often veered wildly between angelic and World War Three. My mom had four kids in seven years, and now that I'm an adult, I'm fairly certain she qualifies for sainthood.

As we got older, my siblings became really cool, popular people. They won high school yearbook superlatives. They developed sweet dance moves. They became retreat leaders, prom queens, marathoners, bartenders, and all-around likable people. As I matured, it was hard to not feel eclipsed by them. I count those humans among the most precious people in the world to me, and my life of working, dating, and reading books often seemed rather vanilla by comparison. I'm constantly in awe of their general awesomeness. I'm constantly challenged by their deep thoughts, and reduced to tears by their offbeat hilarity. As such, it is often hard not to feel like a geeky older sister.

While my sister and I often have deep talks about everything from the existence of God to how one can craft the perfect set of reinbeers for Christmas, my brothers are American males in their 20s, and therefore don't talk about their feelings much. Therefore, the following gchat conversation with P made my day today:


P:listening to ben folds while reading. reminds me of your old "on a bender" cd
a golden oldie

me:Such a good one... I still listen to that mix

P: hells yes
your "practicum tunes" were also very good

me
Haha amazing memory for my old mixes....I'm super impressed

P:yes after a few car rides i stole them both for an extended period
that was my first experience with that genre and those artists
that genre and those artists
it was pretty exciting
gonna get some groceries
farewell

me: So glad I could mold your mind

P: haha you paved the way of much of my thought and experience
i am forever grateful

me: Aww that comment just made my day :) love you little bro

While I'm fairly certain that telling my brother I love him and using an emoticon in a text chat will both insure that he isn't that open about his feelings for awhile, I am in awe of the fact that he was listening during all of those long car rides to and fron The University of Iowa. And I guess what I am most awestruck by is the fact that he was listening at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this conversation gives me hope. Hope that even when I'm not saying anything big, the ones I love are still watching and learning. That even when I mess up and act like a crabby jerk, these same people in my life know from a lifetime of watching me that it's just a blip in the radar. That some of the moments when I've felt farthest separate emotionally from the people I love, I still managed to reach through the barriers and connect anyway. That even if we seem different on the outside, my family and I are just going to get closer and stronger as we grow. Now, it seems, I'm the one listening to him

It's Not Easy Being Pink

If you've been out of the loop, you may want to read. this In a nutshell, Susan G. Komen for the Cure, a leading breast cancer advocacy and research group, has decided to pull the financial support they give to Planned Parenthood; a press frenzy ignited. Nancy Brinker, Komen's founder, called Planned Parenthood "a dangerous distraction from the work that still remains to be done in ridding the world of breast cancer." At first, I was livid. Now, I'm sad and angry.

Lately, it has been a difficult time to be an equality-minded woman. A few months ago, a proposed boycott of Girl Scout cookies was proposed, because some Girl Scout troops choose to discuss women's health and reproductive options. Other troops let in transsexual young men. Apparently, the right to produce a women's organization that appreciates all humans who choose the female gender, and the right to educate said people on the health options available to them is dangerous. Planned Parenthood, and the health care that it gives to women, many of whom are underprivileged, is dangerous. The underlying message I'm seeing over and over again in the media is that an educated woman is dangerous. And yet, the pink guns that is being peddled in partnership between Smith & Wesson and Komen for the Cure is not a dangerous distraction? What are we going to do, shoot cancer?

I don't understand the pressure on women who want to make informed health choices to defend that right. I don't understand why people who do not share my liberal values or feminist beliefs feel so threatened by my right to choose when I have a baby or to teach the young men and women that I teach about their options for health and self-esteem. When did our views towards women's issues become so polarizing? Five years ago, I would have said that it was a great time to be an American woman. Now, I feel that the strong backlash against liberal women comes from the uncompromising polarity of our political parties. I don't dispute that Komen for the Cure does great things, or that people want the right to teach their daughters about reproductive issues according to their families' values. I just don't understand why we would deny those that want birth control and reproductive health issues discussed in an honest and unbiased way the right to do so. After all, Komen for the Cure started because breast cancer was such a taboo and silent killer. Now STD prevention and birth control may become the next great whisper in secret. I respect others' rights to live their lives as they wish, but I'm sorely disappointed by a move that has resulted in two of the best charities that women have fighting against one another. We came so far as a society that valued women's rights. Why are we backsliding now?

Keep on Keepin' On

Yesterday was a great day at school I didn't make any progress on my to-do lists of grading, filing and reading. I didn't really get a chance to talk to any other teacher friends. I ate lunch at my desk the way I do every day, and I wasted an entire lunchtime on Pinterest. But you know what I did do well? I had a great day with my students.

For some reason, yesterday was one of those days where everything worked the way it was supposed to. My kiddos came iwth homework done and attitudes ready to contribute to class discussions, and they were suitably thoughtful about a Holocaust simple photoessay we read. In writing conferences and class discussion, I saw evidence of growth, and they even laughed at my jokes. I walked out of school feeling good about myself, and they left my classroom with smiles on their faces.

The truth is that when I started teaching, I really thought that every day would be like yesterday. I chose to be a teacher to build relationships with students. To make them bookaholics. To get to watch them grow. To be the teacher they come back and visit. Therefore, my first few years of teaching were a shock. I got moved from grade-level to grade-level, and each time I had to reinvent the wheel. My elementary kids acted like, well, kids. Things fell off my walls. I screamed at them. I cried to them.

I'd like to say that those types of things don't happen in my classroom now that I've been teaching for five years, but they still do. It's a messy business. Sometimes, my students and I hate each other. Sometimes I am so tired that it takes all of my effort to repress my sarcasm and find my patience. But every so often, a perfect day like yesterday comes. A day to remind myself that this is what it is all about. A day to revel in conversations with my kiddos instead of just wishing that they would leave me alone.

Now, I feel like I can appreciate those days all the more because of their rarity. That I am better equipped to take a step back and figure out how to re-create it. I'm just starting to get wistful enough again to hope that with more experience, I'll be able to create more of these days with my students. After the stress and agony of last year, I'm finally starting to feel like making a leap to a new school with older students was the right choice for me. It's been over a year, but I'm finally approaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

The photo above is courtesy of Hey Girl Teacher one of my favorite daily pick me ups.


***Also, I wrote this whole post yesterday and it got deleted when I went to publish it. Wordless Wednesday will get posted tonight- promise :)

Weekend Update

I'm not going to lie, I've got a case of the Mondays today. Maybe because I had such an awesome weekend, but still. The older I get, the harder it is for me to bounce back from a super booze-filled weekend. Let me give you a brief re-cap:

Friday night, Kev and I went to go see Rise Against, a band that we've (especially Kev) are getting more and more in to due to the social justice themes happening in their pulsating rock songs. I love a band that shares the same values of equality for all, eating mindfully, and rocking socks off. We were surrounded by mini-vans as we drunkenly staggered to the UIC pavilion after finding a bar with amazing liquor deals, which was weird. Thank goodness my lovely brother in law had enough sense to buy us seats, rather than floor/mosh pit spaces, when he purchased them as our Christmas gift. I'm too freaking old for that nonsense. Overall, it was an amazingly high-energy and thought provoking show.


Saturday, we went to a friend's baby shower. More and more, people around me are announcing pregnancies. Every time someone does, I think "wait, we're too young! Wow!" Then I realize that I am turning 28 my next birthday, which is a perfectly respectable age at which to have a baby. Maybe I'm just immature. For said baby shower for some dear friends, I purchased a Blackhawks outfit similar to this....

....because clearly I enjoy making the babies in my life look like old Italian men. Maybe for his first birthday, I'll get him some gold chains. This kid is certainly lucky to have me in his life.

Saturday night, we went and saw Bye Bye Liver, a semi-improv drinking play that I cannot recommend highly enough. Housed at Fizz restaurant's upstairs stage, this play features hilarious skits about drinking, whole-audience drinking "socials" and a cast that gets progressively drunker as the skit goes on. The ticket stub says "admit one person who should probably let their sponsor know where they are" and that says it all. If you've spent a large amount of time in your life at bars, you'll recognize the behavior they lampoon, and I don't think it was overly promotive of alcoholism. If you are in the Chicago area, you must go see this reasonably priced show with a group of friends. We went for a friend's birthday, but there were also many bachelorette parties and 21st birthday partiers in the crowd. I definitely want to take my younger siblings when they turn 21, and would love to see it again. Plus, they have an awesome hipster guy on a Casio keyboard providing musical backup throughout the show. What's not to love?

Overall, I'd have to say it was a pretty damn good weekend. Today, I'll be heading back to the gym to get my rear in gear after two particularly lackluster weeks of healthy eating/working out. Work is actually calming down somewhat, so I'm feeling a little more able to get back on track with my goals.

What was the best part of your weekend?
What is your favorite item of baby apparel to purchase for a baby shower?
Do you ever get friend crushes?

Found Downtown

Wordless Wednesday is a meme followed by photographers and lovers of art around the globe. Join in!

Daddy Daughter Date

One of the weird things about growing up is that you don't often get your family to yourself. One of the mixed blessings of having rheumatoid arthritis, is that if you play it right, you can fix that. Allow me to explain...

Kev and I have known each other since I was fourteen and he sixteen. As soon as he got his driver's license, he would drop by my house at odd times. Right after school. On weekends. 8:00 at night, it didn't matter. It wasn't too long before my parents just accepted him as a normal fixture in our home. When we started dating nine years later, it is entirely possible that he and I were the only two surprised by the outcome.

Now, after two and a half years of marriage, Kev is nearly always by my side when I spend time with my family. We live an hour south of them, and while we try to go home for major events, it's almost always accompanied by my siblings, grandparents, or cousins. While I love this, it makes it kind of rare for us to get some quality couple-to-couple time with my parents. Rarer still are the opportunities to spend time just with my mom or dad. Or just me and my parents. Etc, etc.

After my two year anniversary of my RA diagnosis, I began wheedling my dad into getting checked out by my arthritis doctor. My dad exhibits many of the same symptoms I do, and it seems to be getting worse with age. Finally, I convinced him to go. A few days later, he called me excitedly. "Colie," he gushed, "I got the appointment RIGHT AFTER YOURS for my follow-up! How cool is that?" At the time, I merely laughed. We would certainly be the two youngest people in the waiting room. Maybe we could even get a discount. BOGO? Twofer?

The appointment finally rolled around last night, and I have to admit it was pretty awesome. My dad and I got to hang out in the waiting room together, and catch up on life. My dad sat in on my appointment. As a pediatrician, it meant a lot to have him listen to what the doc was telling me, rather than regurgitating it to him on the phone days later. Afterwards, we went to dinner. We laughed, we joked. Just my daddy and me.

I've been a proud daddy's girl for most of my life. I'm so blessed to have him in my life, and today I find myself strangely grateful to my chronic pain disease for giving me the chance to get him all to myself. Just my daddy and me.

Friday Reads-Love Times Three

Last weekend, Kev, me, and three of our friends headed up to Wisconsin for a fat kid, sweatpants, green shot drinking, Packers losing weekend. It was awesome. Even more awesome was the fact that somewhere in all the gorging, I managed to wipe the Cheeto dust off of my fingers and finish Love Times Three a book written by four people involved in a polygamous marriage.


I have to admit, the topic of polygamy has intrigued me ever since I read Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer While I firmly believe that people are people, no matter what their views, I've always been sort of skeptical of the assertions that sister-wives (wives who share the same husband) really have a strong, emotional, and equal bond with their shared husband. The women of Love Times Three (heretofore referred to as LTT) really do seem mostly like normal folk. They rely on their shared calendars and BlackBerries to make sure everyone in the home gets where they need to go, they struggle with weight and faith, their teenagers drive them crazy, and they have strong opinions on faith, values, and family time. I respect the fact that these women braved the personal and professional perils to tell their story, after being concerned with all the recent negative media coverage. They are also the inspiration for the HBO series Big Love


The women acknowledge that three wives= three times the drama, but fail to go into real depth when describing their family struggles and sometimes I found everything a bit too peach-keene for my taste. However, one woman asks a question that really made me sit up and take notice:


How is my husband's love for me diminished if he loves another woman just as much? Does it cheapen my relationship with him to know that he has deep and abiding love for another? No, no it does not.


And this, my friends, is how I know I am meant to stay monogamous.


I've learned a lot about marriage in the last two and a half years. I've learned that being selfish doesn't serve anybody. That neither my husband nor myself are perfect. That jealousy comes from insecurity. And yet, I feel blessed every day that Kev and I have entered this agreement together. That come what may, he will love many other people in his lifetime but none with the odd cocktail of passion, silliness, intellectual stimulation and physical need that he loves me with. If I knew he also had another wife living concurrently in the same house as us, I don't think I'd be able to keep myself out of the equation. While I'm sure his relationship would be different with Polygamous Polly than it would be with me, we would all be sharing the title of marriage, and equally responsible for making it work EVEN THOUGH we only knew 2/3 of the story. Yes, parents often realize they can love a second or third child as much as they do the first, but I don't know that I'd be able to offer the same generosity of spirit if it came to another woman joining our covenant.


The vacillation of opinion that I've expressed already in this post (between appreciating that people in this great country are entitled to live their lives as they see fit, that everyone's lives are more normal than they seem, and that I believe that the definition of a marriage changes if you invite more than two people into it) characterizes my experience of reading this book. It wasn't terribly well written, or terribly deep, but it made me feel grateful for the opportunity to grapple with these questions. It also made me grateful to get my husband to myself most nights. Definitely an engaging non-fiction read, if not Pulitzer Prize material.


Are you a jealous partner? Do you agree or disagree with the quote above? Why? Respectful thoughts only, please!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday is a meme followed by photographers and lovers of art around the globe. Join in!

Shifty Eyes

I've always known that I was an awkward person. When I was in junior high, I once lamented to my mom that I wasn't cool or popular. Sternly, she said me down and said, "Nicole, your father isn't cool. I'm not cool. Chances are, you won't be cool either. Challenge yourself to be something else instead." True story, and words to live by.

But this post isn't about heartwarming memories with mom. It's about the fact that the older I get, the more awkward I realize I really am. I find myself constantly saying "shouldn't I know this by now?" or "really, this still happens when you are 27?"

The big issue I have with myself these days is eye contact. I've realized that I'm really not very good at maintaining eye contact with others. I'm noticing it the most at work. I'm not sure if it is because I am in a new building where I don't know people well yet and I'm still jockeying to figure out my niche, or if it's because I spend most of my time teaching my awkward posse in a fairly secluded basement room, but I've realized that I often don't make or keep eye contact with my colleagues. Today, for example, I met with the Assistant Principal and a Special Ed teacher, both of whom I have spent time with socially and feel fairly comfortable with, to translate a conference call to a Spanish-speaking parent. I spent the whole conversation swiveling between forcing myself to look at the two lovely ladies, and swiveling to thoughtfully address my Spanish comments to the phone. Awk-ward.

In hallways, or meetings also, I feel like I'm really bad about looking at the people talking to me. I'm not sure if it is that I feel uncomfortable because I don't know them well, or if I feel like my glasses (which I've been sporting recently) are a shield or what, but I'm turning into a bit of a spaz.

Why is it that we find it so awkward to look people in the eyes? Are eyes really the mirror to the soul? Am I shyer than I previously thought? How do you force yourself to look at the people who are talking to you? I call my kids out on it constantly, but I can't seem to do it myself. I don't want to be the weird shifty-eyed girl at work. HELP.

Wordless Wednesday (One Day Late)

Thus, I have worn leggings and drapey tops for the last week. Christmas is gone but the chub still remains

Fear of Failure

I am a teacher. i am also the most miserable person in the world to teach.

As the quarter nears completion, my students are stressing about grades. C, one of my trickier pals, checked his grades and bluntly announced "Mrs. G., I'm going to get a C in Science. There's no way I can get a B. I'm bad at Science. So, I'm not even going to try anymore."

As I gave C the whole 'are-you-getting-extra-help-put-in-the-effort-it-will-pay-off speech, I realized who he reminded me of. Myself. I get frustrated easily, and if I'm not immediately good at something, I give up. I tell people I don't want to play pool, or softball, or original Mario brothers, and then I sit lonely and bored on the sidelines while my friends hoot and holler and hustle. I get bored, and depressed, all while maintaining a too-cool facade. I know that with practice I would be a decent player; I also know it is no fun to lose or be the cause of a loss. I'd rather be bored than lose a trivial bar game or make my friends mad. How stupid is that?

Malcolm Gladwell says that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at something. Why am I so afraid to be exposed as a fraud that I don't even attempt a single one? Why am I so insecure that I feel my friends and family won't want to play with me if I'm not perfect? Most importantly, why am I infuriated when my students are unwilling to try again after failure, but I'm of the same mindset in my personal life?

I'm done being content with excluding myself. With focusing on the things I'm good at, and hiding from the rest. I'm patient with my students, and now it's time to put in the slow, plodding, patient work on myself. I need to learn how to cultivate a less than perfect, more positive psyche.

Good things are coming for me in 2012- I can feel them. I'm ready to grow and learn. To make mistakes. To stop being such a pain in the ass. To start listening. To be teachable. Now I just need to find someone with the patience to teach me....

28 for the New Year

Hello Imaginary Friends!

My apologies for yet another list-style post. I promise I'll get back to some actual blog content soon. In the meantime, I've been inspired by other people's to-do lists to accomplish 28 goals for 2012. Why 28? That's how old I'll be on my 2012 birthday this year. Feel free to skim or skip, I know I'm one of 294083905 resolution list posts this week. I'd try to think of something more clever for today, but, well, if I don't write it here, I won't do it.

Fitness and Eating
1. Hire and work with trainer Thwomp (real name: Steve) once a week to make my gym workouts more effective.
2. Track my food and water on SparkPeople at least four times a week to avoid long periods of unhealthy eating.
3. Cook one meal per week- no more letting Kev do it!
4. Try to log 180 minutes of exercise a week. 180/week = 730/month = 8760/year. YAY!
5. Register for and complete a sprint triathlon this summer

Work
6. During the hour after school, when you don't have meetings, grade papers! Avoid those pile ups.
7. Finish Special Education classes (3 to go!)
8. Update certifications- move from initial to standard teaching and add your Reading Specialist degree.

House
9. Print and frame black and white photos. Hang.
10. Write down the money you spend daily.
11. Clean 2 hours per week (ideally divide into 20 minute daily chunks so you don't self-destruct)
12. Get a recycling bin and use it.
13. Sort old books. Take to MarketFresh Books in Evanston to sell. Open account and buy your new books there.
14. Get rid of random crap. Donate or eBay it.

Reading
15. Read 52 books this year.
16. Read 10 non-fiction
17. Read 10 recommended titles from BookLust
18. Finish A-Z and Chunkster reading challenges.
19. Post bite-sized reviews of each book finished on twitter.

Photography
20. Use Groupons for date night photo class and Chicago photo class prior to going to Peru.
21. Practice! Take camera out with you more often!
22. Start a habit of posting nearly wordless posts on blog.

Personal
23. Make a plan to study and practice more Spanish. If you don't use it.....well...you know...
24. Plan a weekend getaway somewhere new in the U.S. with Kev.
25. Do something spiritual daily.
26. Go to mass twice a week.
27. Go to PERU!!!
28. Talk to each grandma once a month.

So there you have it, my big messy list of goals. I'm hoping to do a monthly post where I report progress, a la elefantitas alegres

What new habits are you attempting this year? How will they make life better for you?

Things I Didn't Do on my Winter Break

1) Blog....obviously. Oopsadoodle

2) Wake up early. Waking up in the dark, I sobbed. Why did awakening at 5:45 in January seem so much darker than awakening at 5:45 in December? Wah.

3) Go to bed sober. Our new trainer at the gym, a stern man shaped somewhat like this vintage Whomp-Whomp made Kev and I write down everything we ate and drank on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. AKA New Year's Eve Eve, New Year's Eve, and Bears Sunday Funday. Ack. After perusing our list, he informed us that we probably consumed 15,000 in our constant holiday graze while buzzed. Whomp-whomp, indeed.

4) Cook often. Though I did make a couscous meal that registered somewhere between pickled herring and pizza-for-breakfast on the delicious scale. I'm hoping next time I can make some tweaks and nudge it closer to the pizza side of things.

5) Stress out. I had a great, relaxing, lazy weekend filled with love and laughter. I acted like a giddy, tipsy toddler with my siblings, an outlaw with my husband, and a micromachine with my friends. It was awesome.

6) Wear pants that buttoned. Sweatpants, hoodies, robes, leggings, and tunics allowed me to live in full denial of my holiday binge.

7) Anything productive. My house was a whirlwind, my professional laptop lounged in my professional bag, and emails went unanswered- all so I could read five books and watch three seasons of How I Met Your Mother. Legen....dary indeed.

8) Find the two facial products that I lost. Goodbye facial serum and day moisturizer. Hello, further Target debts.

9) Look at my credit card or bank statements. Too scary.

10)Travel. That staycation was so flipping worth it

Ten Tidbits

1) This week, we worked on video book reviews (a la Ebert and Roeper) for our final book projects in one of my LA classes. One of my students, a jolly and portly Asian fellow with a toothy grin, showed up in a starched, collared shirt and a festive tie. He explained that he "wanted to look handsome for Mr. Camera." Love.

2) My camera is slowly collecting dust and this is making me sad. Next week, I am off and Kev is working, and I plan to spend some serious time learning my craft behind the lens. Lord knows the photography on this here blog needs it.

3) I got the cutest tumblers for my mentor teacher, boss, and teaching assistant from Monogram Chick that look like this: (photo stolen from M.Chick- thanks!)

I am now super pissed that I didn't buy one for myself.

4) I am at the stage of Christmas shopping where I am seeing more for myself and less for others. It is getting hard to restrain myself from shopping for me. I'm such a selfish little grinch that way.

5) It is also starting to be the temperature where all I can think of is getting out of the midwest. We're planning to take a big abroad trip this summer (destination TBA, though I think we have it pretty much chosen), and the idea of not getting on a plane until July is frankly depressing.

6) Listen to me- bitch, moan, bitch. It's no wonder this blog has such a teensy following. Thanks for sticking around.

7) In my other LA class, we are working on writing critical reviews by writing food critiques. One day, my co-teacher was explaining some helpful tips for visiting a restaurant, and concluded with "there may be a small caveat to visiting a restaurant with a chatty friend- your notes may not be as thorough." Panicked, a (non-ELL boy) burst out "wait, WAIT! I don't even like seafood and you are asking me to eat CAVIAR- aren't those baby fish?!" Hilarious.

8) It is 50 degrees and rainy here. WTF snow? Where you at?

9) Peppermint Joe-Joes (Trader Joe's Oreos with peppermint candy cream) are my favorite thing in the world. I ate three of them at lunch and I feel no shame. Thank goodness for leggings and Uggs season.

10) Life is good, people. Life is really freaking good this holiday season. To say otherwise would be a lie.

What tidbits are floating around in your brain this week?

How To Kick a Cold

On Sunday, after a full weekend of holiday party-ing, I woke up with a throat tickle. Attributing it to a weekend full of yelling my witty insights to people in party- crowded rooms, I assumed it was nothing more than residual hoarseness. Alas, I was wrong. By Monday afternoon, I realized I may have a full blown cold on my hands.

The Christmas miracle? Today I am already feeling MUCH better. As a teacher, I have weathered my fare share of viruses that are just strong enough to make you miserable, but not quite strong enough to justify staying home sick and undertaking the loathsome task of writing sub plans. Generally, (knock on wood) I can kick said cold in about 48 hours. How do I do it you ask? Well, here is my arsenal:

First of all, I start chugging water like a madwoman. I am for 100-150 oz of water daily during my sick time. Yes, it is a ton of water. Yes, it makes me pee constantly. But for every little bathroom break I'm having, my body is flushing (hah!) away those nasty germs. It cleanses the system and helps kick my cold to the curb. It's free people, and it works.

Now these next few items will cost a teensy bit of cash, but they are so, so worth it. Most can be found at Walgreens. At work, I am talking constantly, and because of this, my throat gets terribly dry and scratchy. Over the years, I have tested many, many different cough drops, and these Halls Triple Soothing Action Cough Drops do the trick. Those little vapory guys in their assorted mint flavors make my nasty cold infested head into a little steam room. I also love that they come in multiple flavors and are sugar free. When you are consuming 5-6 a day, these things matter.

Next, I always snag the Vick's Sinex Day/Night Combo Pack I love that these bad boys don't require you to sign your life away at the register when purchasing, and having everything in one box is oh-so convenient. The day pills do a great job at opening up the sinuses and relieving headaches, while the night ones knock you out so hard that even your snoring husband won't wake you. Win-win. I use these round the clock, in conjunction with the Zicam Zinc Chewables. I find these to be much less offensively flavored than the dissolving tablets, and I've noticed that if used correctly (every 3 hours during the day, and for 2 days following the absence of cold symptoms) that they really do seem to help shorten the time you are wallowing.

The last three items on my walking dead survival guide are items of necessity. When I have a cold, I'm super paranoid about spreading it to others. Hence the Germ-X. I have a ton of people in and out of my room daily, and I'd hate to get them sick, which will mean I will get sick. It's a vicious cycle. I also hate having nasty cold dragon breath, so I keep Altoids on hand at all time. The zinc chewables leave you with nasty breath, and these certainly help. Lastly, when I'm sick I don't have much of an appetite, so these chocolate-mint Luna Protein Bars, weighing in at about 200 calories each, taste awesome and make sure that I get a good mix of protein and carbs.

So, there you have it. If you are stupid enough to go to work when you are under the weather like I am, use these easy, on the go tricks to get you back to your sassy self in no time. Your body, and your colleagues, will thank you.

I wasn't paid any money to endorse any of these products. I get asked often how I kick colds so fast, so I thought I'd write this post. I am also in no way a medical expert, so if you feel ill you should ALWAYS consult a doctor. Blogs do not have the answers. Doctors do.

'Tis the Season for Your Teacher

During my last five years of teaching, I have taught many grades in many different types of schools- everything from kindergarten to 8th grade. As such, I have received many different types of gifts from many different families. While I'm not a greedy person, I am always shocked to realize how many parents have a difficult time choosing gifts for their students' teachers. Rather than letting your child choose the gift (I have received Webkins, teddy bears, and Lip Smackers because of this tactic), peruse these lovely options so that your teacher's heart will be warmed this year.

1) Think books! Most classroom teachers purchase books and teaching materials with their own money throughout the school year. Many of these same teachers are avid readers. When I taught elementary school, many thoughtful parents donated their child's favorite book to the classroom library as a holiday gift, or got me gift cards to Barnes and Noble. I've also recently discovered eBookFling, an online book rental community for users of PCs, Macs, Kindles, Nooks, or iPads. For $36 dollars, your teacher can rent one book a month for twelve months. Each title rented appears on your reader or computer for two weeks, then vanishes. Awesome!

2) Skip the lotions and go for office supplies. I'm fortunate enough now to work at a school with more than ample supplies, but I'm still a sucker for a fun notebook, or a fancy clipboard. Paper Source has amazing file folders, fun stapler, scissor, and notepad sets, and cheery organizational tools that any teacher would love!

3) Think about what you know about your child's teacher. Last year, I was teaching with a friend who was recently exploring a vegetarian lifestyle. She was also the teacher to a set of twins. For the holidays, the twins' mom gifted my friend with a few tried-and-true vegetarian cookbooks that they use often in their home. My friend was ecstatic. Does your child's teacher enjoy running? Cooking? Photography? Spa days? What small gifts could you give related to his or her interests?

4) Magazines, magazines, magazines. Almost every male or female I know reads magazines, and subscriptions right now are often less than $20 a year. Rather than splurging on that lotion gift set (of which male or female, every teacher I know has at least 12) go for literacy. Again, make it something that your child's teacher is interested in. If you don't know your child's teacher that well, go for a professional magazine or a current events type magazine. We will thank you. This year, I drew my school's principal in our Secret Santa exchange. I know he loves to run, so each day I've been giving him either a fitness magazine or a protein bar. For the "big gift" at the end of the week, I found a running coolmax long sleeved shirt on super sale. Rumor has it, he is quite pleased with his haul so far. Everyone loves magazines, and everyone hates paying for them.

5) Cold, hard cash. Gift cards to teacher supply stores, general merchandise stores, or the ever popular Visa gift card go a long way. We don't care what the amount is, we just love the inherent splurge promised in the gift card.

Above all else, remember that your child's teacher is an adult. He/she also teachers multiple students. Take ten seconds to go beyond the usual gifting. You will make his or her day!

What tried and true gifts are always a hit in your gift-giving circles?