It is Thursday night. The house is quiet. Kev is at class, and I arrived home a few minutes ago from a great retirement party for a very inspiring colleague and friend. The cats are bumbling, and the only sounds are the burbling of the keys as I type. I'm having a teensy party, just for myself.
Twice a week for the last year, Kev has had night class for his MBA while I've been enjoying being finished and adjusting to my new job. The first few months in the fall, I was so busy putting faces with names and figuring out my new crop of kiddos that I didn't have time to really relish the peace. I desperately missed Kev in the evenings; I was anxious to tell him about the new cast of characters in my life and to bounce ideas off of him. Slowly, though, my attitudes towards my weeknights alone began to change.
While I still feel a tiny sliver bit of incompleteness when we're not together, I've learned to relish these nights alone. I either leave the tv completely off like a crazy hippie, or I watch trashy television. I start new books. I feed the cats too much food. I clean in small bursts and dye my hair colors that are slightly too much-loud-brassy-red-awkward. I eat M&Ms for dinner and hummus afterwards. I sing. I do sit-ups. I grunt. Mostly, though, I recharge.
I've learned that for as much as I want to put into my marriage, my family life, and my friendships, I need to give myself some space, too. When I'm alone in my house, I listen to myself in a way I can't when my dearest Kevo is around. I remind myself of the person I was before I got married, before I became a teacher, before I had others' voices on my radar. I remind myself that I'm amazing company, and I spend hours stalking on Facebook and pinning an impossible lifestyle. I make a space in my life for me.
Things get crazy. Working in a junior high at the end of the school year is insane. Living in a gigantic city surrounded by friends I've known for years and two giant, loving families leaves little time for me to have my me parties. And secretly, to be completely honest, I'm dreading Kev's graduation a bit, and having future kiddos someday, because I know I won't have this kind of me-VIP time automatically scheduled. I'm writing this post to remind myself that it's okay to take a break, to schedule that time, and to shoo even my most favoritest person out the door once in awhile.
Because really, I rule. Sometimes I just need to be a party of one to remind myself.